Seriously, if you’re looking for a That Date outfit, Lucky knows what’s up. ???

#favoritejeans

“The more I get to know you, the weirder you get.”

-my coworker

In a stand-up comedy clip I just heard the sentence “Like every poor kid, he desperately wanted a monkey” and I HAVE NEVER RELATED TO ANYTHING MORE

(Seriously, PoorKid!Me was obsessed with Monkey Trouble and I was SO READY to steal a capuchin you have no idea)

Me after 2 copitas of sherry: Ok Google. What age does menopause start?

Me eating breakfast: so what do you wanna do for dinner

Me: Ok. I have checked all the knobs. The stove is off.

My anxiety: are you sure you didn’t accidentally turn one of the knobs on while checking them

Sometimes… it’s just… overwhelming… that nearly everyone on this planet is a mindless idiot.

I mean. Nothing personal. But. Between the selfish breeding and the sexism and the religion and the meat-eating and the gender roles and the capitalism and just. Almost no one… seems to notice… how bad it is? And like… it’s so bad. Everywhere. There are tiny subtle Bads and big obvious Bads and lots of in between but even the big ones, people hardly notice, or choose to ignore.

I mean, I’m not fucking perfect. I could do better. I could start composting everything and only shop at thrift stores and buy a tiny little eco house and quit my job and get rid of my car and ride a bike and all that shit. And I don’t, because I like my world-escaping comforts. A lot.

But like… there’s so much more to it than that. And… everyone else just seems… braindead. It feels like I’m the only conscious mind in a virtual simulation. That’s how it feels… day to day, once I leave my house. Like I’m the only one who’s alive.