Like. I recognize that there are some really great people in the world. When I say “everyone’s stupid” I’m obviously exaggerating. Some people are extraordinary. Some people check off all my morality requirements, yet I still can’t seem to connect with them.
Honestly, I’m just… jealous of people who care about existence. Who are so passionate about issues that matter that they dedicate their life to teaching, or science, or volunteering, or some other form of service. I wish I cared that much, but in my mind I’m just thinking “we should probably let humanity die out because we’re a fucking plague.”
Embarrassingly, I’m most jealous of people who are passionate about meaningless shit like careers – because I know they’ll probably end up rich, and I’m shallow. Plus the thought that someone could actually get satisfaction from capitalistic slavery makes me insanely envious because I fucking hate every minute of work. Maybe I wouldn’t hate it if I were back in nonprofit, but there are no jobs in nonprofit for writers, I hate interacting with people, and I’d earn half of what I make now, if that. And as established… I’m shallow.
So instead I just donate to charities and hope that earns me a place in metaphorical heaven?
…anyway happy Monday, I’m trash.